How to cope with loneliness?
A study of 142 countries (Maese, 2023) found that 24% of people feel lonely. This proportion was highest among young adults (27%). This is the most uncertain period of life, with the separation from parents, the choice of career, the coming and going of relationships. There is no stability, and uncertainty can lead to isolation and then loneliness.
But what exactly is loneliness?
An emotional state in which a person experiences a sense of emptiness and exclusion (Pléh, 2010). It is more than the desire for another person or a relationship; it can be temporary or permanent. People who are lonely feel that they cannot form relationships, they feel isolated and excluded from everything and everyone.
Often people don't take loneliness seriously, because they have so many friends, parents, siblings, children, partners. Because of this, one may be tempted to believe that loneliness is not a real problem and that one "should" feel good.
What to do when you feel lonely? (Domján, 2023.)
It is important to understand the process that causes loneliness. What losses have happened in your life? How do they affect you? What expectations does society and your family have of someone your age? What expectations do you have of yourself? What did you want to achieve at this age? Where should you be standing?
You make judgments about yourself based on these thoughts. If you notice this, you can change it. Be accepting of yourself: you are experiencing loneliness at this moment.
Recollect what gave you joy before this stage! What experiences or habits did you have that made you happy? It's easy to get caught up in thinking that it was a long time ago, before the break-up, the move, the change of school. Everything was easier then, but these experiences of loss make life difficult.
Yet you were yourself before all this, just as you are yourself now. What you could do for yourself then, you can do for yourself now. If you feel that you are not strong enough, motivated enough to start, then you have to "push" a little. Re-integrate into your day the activities that used to make you happy!
Find what gives you hope! You can find, for example, the right human connections, your goals in learning, work, sport. Discover what you can find beauty in! Whether in nature, art, buildings, films, books.
When you are lonely, you think everything is bad and it will stay that way. If, on the other hand, you think: it's true that it's bad now, but I'll do something about it and it will get better, then you already have a chance to change your feelings.
Keeping a gratitude diary can help. Each night, see what you have to be grateful for that day. These can be quite small things, like the rain stopped when you were heading out of the house, the bus driver waited for you, the shop had your favourite chocolate.
In addition to human connections, a pet can be a source of support and strength. It is someone who is there with you, you can pet it, care for it, look after it, experience a sense of connection.
If you haven't already, start exercising! Exercise will refresh you, give you a sense of achievement, positivity, confidence and improves your sleep quality.
Focus on your positive qualities! It could be anything from loyalty, honesty, hard work, or a skill such as being a good cook. Don't think that these are not strengths! They matter, and believing you are good at something will give you the confidence to initiate a relationship.
It's also a positive feeling to be able to give to someone. Whether it's calling a relative more often, giving a lasting meal to someone in need, you're supporting others, empowering and thereby recharging yourself. If you start giving to others, they will respond positively, which gives you a sense of achievement.
By trying new things, even small ones, being open to new activities and people, you become more flexible, more content, and the emptiness caused by loneliness and exclusion disappears as you join groups.
Centre for Student Services and Career also runs groups where you can meet other people and get to know yourself better. You can find out more on our website under programmes and upcoming events.
If you feel lonely or left alone with your problems, contact our psychologist colleagues at
Sources:
Domján, M. (2023.10.08.). Magány. [előadás] Megoldásközpont: Reziliencia konferencia. https://konferencia.megoldaskozpont.com/
Maese, E. (2023.10.24,). Almost a Quarter of the World Feels Lonely. Letöltés dátuma: 2024.02.02., forrás: Gallup Blog: https://news.gallup.com/opinion/gallup/512618/almost-quarter-world-feels-lonely.aspx
Pléh, Cs. (2010). A pszichológiai magyarázat sokrétűsége/A társas élet biológiája. In Pléh, Cs. A lélektan története. Osiris Kiadó.