Get to know yourself – Thoughts on self-awareness work

Let’s start right away with a tale entitled: “On the courage of trying.”

A king wanted to know who among the people living in his court was the most suitable to choose as his adviser. He figured out to test sages and knights… and chooses the bravest among them for the important position. So, he called the court people together.

A multitude of strong and wise men stood around him. “Listen, you wise and brave ones,” said the king, “I will give you a task: let me see who among you is so clever that he can cope with it.”

He led them to an unbelievably big padlock, the size of which none of them had ever seen before. “Here you can see the biggest and heaviest padlock that ever existed in my country”, said the king. “Which of you can open it?”

Most of the courtiers shook their heads. Some, who were considered to be wise, took a closer look at the padlock, but admitted that they could not deal with it. “This padlock is too big and strong,” they said.

And when the wise men felt this way, the others also all agreed that the task was too difficult, that they could not solve it.

Only one vizier dared to approach the padlock. He looked at it from the right, he looked at it from the left, he touched it with his fingers, he tried to move it this way and that way, until he finally made up his mind and gave it a big tug.

And then the padlock opened. Because it wasn’t clicked in, just fitted into place, and it only took courage and determination for someone to notice this and dare to act bravely. “I entrust you with the office of the court,” said the king, “because you are not satisfied with what you see or hear, but you also use your own knowledge and you have the courage to dare to try.”

Fairy tales carry ancient wisdom and shed light on important questions: Can you get closer to yourself? Did you learn something new about yourself? Do you dare to try, to examine a problem, a situation, behaviour again and again? Or do you just glance over, wave and spread your arms?

During the period of young adulthood, it may be worthwhile to bring the wise counsellor within you to life. Our parents didn’t always teach us to walk the inner paths, we don’t understand the language of our inner world, we don’t know the inner voice, we often silence the “complaints” of our body. We tend to blame the outside world, circumstances and others for our mental problems. We look for happy experience outside, we expect the solution from others, even though everything has its source, origin and the key to the solution within us. It is an old rule that we have to start everything with ourselves.

You can read about some of the symptoms now, of course without claiming to be complete. Some may sound familiar: insecurity, lack of self-confidence, difficulties with eating, sleeping problems, frequent illnesses, incomprehensible fatigue, eczema, tickling, overreacting to situations: immeasurable anger or sadness, paralysis.

The first step is always to stop! Take a step back and try to look at he “padlock” from all sides.

As an adult, you can change yourself, you are able to take the first step towards change. Knowing yourself – self-knowledge – is important because you can experience what is really going on inside you, what is behind your routine responses and actions. You can make yourself aware that you always have the opportunity to react differently, even to usual situations.

Self-awareness work means that you begin to observe the vibrations of your body and soul and develop your own balance. This way you develop physically and mentally, you find your place in your life.

To observe yourself, you primarily need silence. In our world overloaded with strong stimuli, it is very difficult to focus inward. This is also a learning process. Noticing when your eyes are tired, your back is stiff, you need to go to the bathroom, you’re thirsty. Hearing the inner voice that says “it would be nice if someone hugged me” or “I’d rather be alone now.”

There are patterns and habits that we follow in our childhood and adolescence. We learn to become invisible or put on a clown mask and force cheerfulness or explode at every little thin or drift helplessly through our lives or unable to say “No!” to our loved ones. Each such operation ensures your survival in a certain stage of life. But these can hinder you in the next stage of your life.

You can get to the point that it would be nice to change the established patterns, and then nothing happens. It is also possible that you already have extensive knowledge of self-help techniques and self-destructive behaviour. We can say that you know everything and yet you do not act.

Knowledge in the head and action transferred into everyday life are two different things. Like when you know that the ants will sting you if you sit near an anthill, but you don’t sit further away. You stick to the old, familiar pattern. It’s not because you’re not strong, skilful, persistent enough. One reason is that developing new, self-help habits is out of your comfort zone. Seems like a scary place, because you’ve never been on that road before. Moreover, change require constant, daily attention and work. Why would you go down that path?

Perhaps you can be guided by the fact that you are tired of the old way of working, the vicious circle and you want to live your everyday life in a different quality. You would like to feel more empowered, to connect with others more easily, to be less anxious, and to face obstacles at university more easily.

You can take the first steps alone. To stop, be quiet and pay attention to what is going on inside you. You can navigate along two questions: What is happening to me? And if the answer has been received, then: What do I need? Then act, do what your body and soul ask of you.

Source of the tale: About the courage to try (Persian) Ildikó Boldizsár: Tales of life crisis: Tale guide to path finders. Magvető Publisher, 2016.