Defining fears instead of goals?

Tim Ferriss, author of the best-seller “The 4-Hour Workweek”, in his thought-provoking TED presentation talks about why it is worth defining our fears instead of (or right next to) defining our goals. Tim’s unusual approach to first hearing is rooted in Stoic philosophy and he claims that it’s especially worthwhile to do so when making difficult decisions.

From stoicism, the most important thing for us is to educate ourselves to separate what we can and can’t control and learn to focus exclusively on the former. It reduces the emotional response that can be a trump card in certain situations. For example, in football, as a quarterback, you miss a pass, and you are angry at yourself for it. This could be the key to the victory. As university students we find ourselves in a downward spiral and we are feeling more and more hopeless. Even our lives can be affected by this. The stakes are enormous. So, if we can distinguish between what we can influence and what we can’t, then we can start working on how to make informed decisions in situations where we can influence the outcome.

Premeditatio malorum: imagine the worst possible scenario

“We suffer more often in thought than in reality”, Tim quotes the famous Stoic Seneca. This quote inspired Tim to practice “premeditatio malorum”, or “foreseeing possible wrong”. In other words: it is a detailed picture of the worst-case scenarios, of the fears that keep you from acting. Once we’ve done that, we can begin to work on overcoming our paralysis. Tim created a written exercise for himself that he called fear-setting, based on goal-setting. The exercise consists of three pages.

On the first page Tim wrote: “What if…?” Here we can write what we’re afraid of, anything that worries us, whatever’s bothering us. It could be an invitation, a breakup, applying for a promotion, a notice or starting a company. Then we draw three columns, where the first column says: “Definition”. Here we write down the worst things that can possibly happen if I do this, about 10 to 20 of these. The next column is “Prevention”. In this column, we answer the following question: What can I do to avoid or at least reduce the likelihood of these things happening? The last column is called: “Repair”. If the worst-case scenario comes true, what can we do to mitigate the damage, or to whom can we turn for help?

Let’s focus on overcoming the fear and the benefits

On the second page write down what would be the advantage of an attempt or a partial success. Here, we focus on overcoming the fear and the benefits. So, if we try that particular thing, maybe we gain confidence, improve our skills, emotionally, financially, in other ways. And what is the benefit of that, maybe an opportunity.

What if nothing changes?

On the third page, which is perhaps the most important, we write: “The price of missed opportunities”. We’re good at imagining what might go wrong if we try something, like asking for a raise. But what we often don’t consider is the price of the status quo, if nothing changes. Let’s ask ourselves: if I don’t do this, if I don’t decide now, and never again in similar situations, what will my life be like in six months, twelve months, three years? It’s hard to see any further. Let’s detail this as well: emotionally, financially, healthily, etc. So that is our fear-setting.

We cannot avoid difficult decisions, but we can make them easier

Tim does the fear-setting at least quarterly, and by his own admission, it allows him to retrace his greatest achievements and all the terrible disasters he could avoid. He also warns that it is not a panacea.: if we try it, we will find that some of our fears are justified. But we should not jump to that conclusion until we have examined them thoroughly. We cannot avoid difficult decisions by defining fears, but we can make them easier.

In his talk, Tim also quotes the mantra of a modern-day Stoic, Jerzy Gregorek: “Easy decisions, hard life. Hard decisions, easy life.” The hard decisions are the ones we’re most afraid to make, to ask, to tell, but they’re the most important ones to do. Solving the most difficult challenges and problems will never be a pleasant conversation, either with ourselves or with others. Tim encourages his audience to ask themselves: In what area of their life is it more worthwhile to define fears than goals?

You can watch the video here.

Source: HRPWR