Co-dependency
Nowadays, we say more and more often that we are co-dependent. What we usually mean by this is that we like being in a relationship, feeling loved and cared for.
Some people find it difficult to be alone, and can feel lonely and worthless. This is why many people escape from one relationship to another, just to avoid facing themselves.
This feeling of loneliness does not necessarily mean co- dependency. It may be that spending time alone in silence causes difficulties. It is not always easy to face ourselves. It might be worthwhile to try a little bit of what it's like to be alone, what I'm like, kind of thoughts I have. If that's a problem, you can look for communities, groups where you can meditate, exercise, pray, be with yourself and with others at the same time. If you feel you can't cope, feel free to contact our psychologist colleagues at the following email address:
Then how would you know if you are co-dependent?
Co-dependency is a dysfunctional way of personality organisation and functioning, and of relating to others (Knapek, 2023).
Primary symptoms include: pathological need for control; disregard for one's own needs; boundary problems in the areas of intimacy (closeness, trust) and separation (alienation); and entrapment in a relationship where the partner suffers from an addiction, personality disorder or impulse control disorder.
The term was originated as: partner in addiction. Often, in a relationship, one partner may have an addiction (e.g. alcoholism, gambling) and the other partner may take on the problems (e.g. calling in sick at work), trying to care for and support them at all costs, sacrificing themselves but still controlling the situation. The co-dependent thus maintains the condition, creating a delicate balance. The addict does not recover, the co-dependent takes on the other's tasks too and thus feels useful and important.
According to the bio-psycho-social model, several factors play a role in its development: genetically determined hyper sociability (extreme liking for others) and excessive empathy. Based on twin studies, the tendency to altruism (selflessness, self-sacrifice) is 56% heritable, the tendency to empathy is 68% heritable and the tendency to caring is 72% heritable. Excessive altruistic behaviour in co-dependent individuals may also be associated with a reduction in the function of the prefrontal cortex that inhibits empathic response.
Environmental factors in childhood can include parental addiction, other mental/somatic illness, abuse, neglect, co-dependency, parentification (taking on the role of parent as a child) (Knapek and Kuritárné, 2014).
Co-dependents often suffer from emotional and anxiety disorders. However, co-dependency is rarely recognised. They control their partner, take on excessive responsibility. Often, they are unable to care for their children, they neglect them, and as a result their child is also forced into a parentified role (adult role), increasing the likelihood of co-dependency.
Co-dependency is also associated with other mental illnesses, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, dependent personality disorder.
It can be treated through individual and group therapy. There is also a co-dependents anonymous group, which is a very effective help.
If you suspect from the description that you are co-dependent, you should visit the following website: https://coda.org/ or if you can't decide which way to go for help, make an appointment with our psychologist via the following email address:
Source:
Knapek É., Kuritárné Sz. I. (2014). A kodependencia fogalma, tünetei és a kialakulásában szerepet játszó tényezők. Psychiatria Hungarica, 29(1), 56-64.
Knapek É. (2023. 10. 08). Társfüggőség. [előadás] Megoldásközpont: Reziliencia konferencia. https://konferencia.megoldaskozpont.com/