An adult or a child? – The life stage of young adulthood
As a university student you are considered an adult in many ways, but unfortunately you may often feel that you are still stuck in the role of a child. Often, the changing feedback from your environment makes it difficult for you to see yourself as an adult.
You are still partly dependent on your parents emotionally and financially, and at the university you have to meet the expectations of your teachers, so you cannot yet feel fully grown. In the meantime, you have to make your own decisions and take responsibility for them, which is very difficult. After all, how could you possibly know for sure what field you want to work in during your life or in which city you want to live in?
Don’t worry, you are not alone with this problem. All young adults experience this uncertainty at this stage of life.
According to psychosocial development theory (Erikson, 1956) this is the age when the need for intimacy develops and you become capable of taking responsibility for intimate relationships. At what age someone reaches the stage of intimacy varies greatly. In our modern society the stages of development are being postponed more and more.
During young adulthood you develop friendships, relationships, complete your studies, start working and raising a family.
These are very big tasks, so it’s completely normal to get stuck sometimes or to think you can’t do it.
Start with just one small step at a time and believe that you can make it through this phase of life as successfully as you have in the past.
There may be problems that can lead to isolation, which means that you isolate yourself from your environment.
If you feel lonely, it is important to realize that there is nothing wrong with you. You are just a normal young person like the others.
The worst thing you can do is deliberately isolate yourself even more, because that can make isolation a permanent state.
Even if you find it difficult to form relationships, you are sure to find someone you like. The first step is the hardest, but once you’ve started a conversation, you’ll soon realize how smoothly the communication goes for you. If you are afraid of rejection, imagine what’s going to happen. What can the other say if you walk up to him? What can you say? If you think that he will reject you, think about what you would do if someone walk up to you? If you respond kindly to another person, it is likely that the other person would do the same.
If you feel stuck, don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you feel that you want to improve your skills (e.g. communication, conflict management), or if your anxiety is too strong, or if you feel lonely or depressed, register to our groups or for individual psychological counselling at
Source: Erikson, E. (1956). "The problem of ego identity." Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association (4): 56–121.